grief

Grieving mom

I’ve been overwhelmed by the support, encouragement and comfort from friends and even strangers responding to my blog about the death of my mom and the associated post on Facebook.  The last blog post received more comments than any of the previous 180 posts I’ve written in my 15 months of blogging.  Thank you.

I have a few observations about the grieving process.

I don’t understand grief very well.  My wife Shannon’s brother Randall passed away on June 21, 2012 (see post here) and I didn’t do a good job of caring for her while she was grieving.  My family has been great since we heard the news about mom on Aug. 4, but I’ve had a heard time receiving care and knowing what to do.  I do know, however, that it helped to blog about mom on Saturday because it gave me an opportunity to stare at pictures of her, to reflect and cry.  Hopefully, my grieving process with mom will help me be a better friend to people in pain.

Pictures help.  They help me at least.  My mom didn’t look too good at the end, so it has been really helpful to just go over family pictures growing up when we all looked younger.  My family spent part of the evening together last night listening to me talk about photos of our family vacations.  With my mom gone, it helps for my family to have more points of contact with her and my background.  We did something similar when Randall passed away.  It’s difficult to see some of those pictures and not get emotional, but I think that’s the point.  (Photo 1: Mom, older brother Rich and me, apparently not wanting a picture; Photo 2: Mom, her mom and me at high school graduation.  My photos have focused on mom and me because I’m not sure family members would approve of certain photos involving them.)

Specific memories help.  It’s has helped to hear specific things from people who actually knew mom.  Many of you never knew her and your remarks have blessed me in ways you can’t imagine, but there is something particularly moving about hearing from people who knew her, were affected by her, or can see her impact on me and my family.

I’m falling behind on my Psalm 119 blogging, but I’ll get back to that soon because I know mom would want me to stay focused on God and God’s word even as we grieve her absence.